Rihanna. Pop queen. Chart-topping musician. Leader of the galaxy. We’ve all been waiting for #R8 and Rihanna has told us time and time again that we will get it when it’s ready. She’s beginning to sound like every Caribbean mom that hits you with a wooden spoon when you ask her when’s dinner ready for the fifth time. Who knows when she’ll drop this album. It could be tomorrow, it could be October [Rihanna-ween]. One thing’s for sure, the wait has been painful. Here are some of the side effects of a Rihanna-less life.
1. Hunger
It’s been so long. We just want something sweet!
2. Anger
Rih, where have you been? We need this album. The whole thing. All of it. Come through!
3. Loss of Breath
Sometimes it’s easy to forget to breathe when all you want is American Oxygen on a full-length LP.
4. Indifference
It’s whatever. It’s just music. It’s just an album. I’m over it, Rih. Forget you!
5. Fear
Did Rihanna see my mean tweets about me not caring? Or how about my incessant Instagram comments? I hope she doesn’t see them and drag me with an iconic clapback?
5. Thirst
We are thirsty. Replenish us, Robyn! This pop music drought is serious.
6. Confusion
Alright, girl. It’s been a minute. What’s going on? You don’t want my monies?
7. Hope + Faith. Haith.
It’s gonna come. Some day. And that alone is good enough?
8. Assurance
Whenever it comes, it’s going to be AMAZING and outshine every insignificant flop star that put out music this decade.
Ms. Fenty would never put out a basic album. She needs to make sure it has zero flaws.
But can we flash forward to the booty shaking when we first listen?
PETTY PARTY 